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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in dark deppression *for cutters*'s LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, November 15th, 2011
7:10 pm
[missfuckedupemo]
Bad Habits.....
Okay so I haven't posted here for a while because it's been a long time since I last hurt myself with my razor I had become a custom to hitting my head off the wall and scratching myself :/ which isn't much better, but today was the first time I went into my box and began doing what I thought was gone again ;/ I don't know what to do because my mom and family think that I have gotten over that part of my life, but I haven't I been having more thoughts recently :/ and I don't know how long I can hid this for because I have not only my family but my husband-to-be aswell who I think will be the hardest to hide it from considering he see's me without clothes and stuff . God I feel like i'm rambling on but I really need to get all this off my chest before I do some serious damage physically to myself, so I am saying sorry now before I go on , I also go diagnosed with border-line personality Disorder which is basically emotional instability and I never needed a doctor to tell me that but they had me on anti-depressants there for a while but they made me feel a hell of a lot worse so now they hae put me on anti- pyhcotics* Instead to see how they work and they seem okay unless forget to take them then I can become very aggressive and angry and violent I mean I actually lash out physically at people who talk to me ! That's not right at all I don't think and everyone is starting to get very strange around me and I'm starting to feel very alone and confused which is why I think all these "Old habits" have started again and I'm scared :/ 

sorry for rambling there but I hope all you are doing well
xx             

Current Mood: confused

cut me

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010
11:49 pm
[lil_girl_lost]
return to the dark side
For the first time in more than a year, I have picked up my razor again. I've held off having them in the house to not tempt me, but caved today. I can't believe I'm back in this place after so long without, and I only will myself to cut that little deeper because I can't handle this pain anymore.

cut me

Sunday, October 24th, 2010
10:24 pm
[perl_sfu]
Help Us Understand Self-harm
 Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm? We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! We are looking for people who have self-injured, whether you are currently trying to stop or not, to complete questionnaires every 3 months for one year to understand patterns of self-harm over time. Participating in the study takes 2 hours, and you will receive an online gift certificate worth $5 CAD for each time point you complete, plus a chance for a $25 bonus if you complete all the follow-ups over one year for a total of $50.

If you are interested in participating, please email us at emotion@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.


**************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do:

If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hour to complete. Later, you’ll have a chance to complete follow-up questionnaires over a 12 month period. Although the first session is long, the follow-up questionnaires are shorter, and usually take on 30 to 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate:

We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.You must be at least 16 years old to participate.

What’s in it for you:

Participants who complete the questionnaires will receive a $5 (Canadian currency) gift certificate each time you complete the questionnaires (from amazon.com or PayPal). In addition, you will receive a $25 bonus if you complete all five follow-ups in the first year! Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information:

This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.

Please contact us at emotion@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

cut me

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010
10:27 am
[perl_sfu]
Please Help Researchers Understand Self-harm

 

 
Hello from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

We're entering our last couple weeks of recruitment for our current study on self-harm.  A big thank you to those of you who have already participated in this research, your input and willingness to share your experiences with us is incredibly valuable!  To those who still want to participate, just send us an email at chapman_lab@sfu.ca.  You can find a bit more information about the study below.

Thanks again, and best wishes!

The Personality and Emotion Research Lab

*****************************************************************************************************

 

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

 

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help!  We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help. 

 

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hours to complete.  

 

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not) AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

 

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be paid $5 CAD (money transfers via PayPal). You can also choose to participate in our long-term study, where you will fill out a shorter version of the questionnaires every three months for two years. You will be paid $5 CAD each time you complete a set of questionnaires (about 30 min each), and you will get a $15 CAD bonus once you have completed all 9 sets for a total of $60 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

 

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

 

Thank you,

 

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)

Simon Fraser University

Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6


cut me

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
11:53 am
[perl_sfu]
Please Help Researchers Understand Self-harm
Hello again from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?
We are currently recruiting participants for the second phase of our research on self-harm, and we want your help! Participating in the study takes only 90 minutes, and you will be entered into a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. If you are interested, please email us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca. All your information will be kept confidential, and no identifying information is linked to your responses.

*********************************************************************************************************************************
THE DETAILS:

Background Information:
Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help! We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help.

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 90 minutes to complete.

Who can participate
: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be entered in a draw to win one of five prizes of $150 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

Important Information: This study is the second phase of this line of research, and builds on the previous study. If you have already participated in our research (in a study called “Characteristics Associated with Self-Injury”), you are still eligible to complete this study.


Please contact us at chapman_lab@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

Thank you,

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)
Simon Fraser University
Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

cut me

Friday, June 19th, 2009
3:35 pm
[perl_sfu]
Hello from the Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)!

Would you like to help us understand how to help people who self-harm?

 

Self-injury (sometimes called “self-harm”) involves harming yourself on purpose. Some examples include cutting or burning yourself, taking an overdose of pills, or banging your head. Right now, very little is known about why people start or stop self-harming. The Personality and Emotion Research Lab (PERL), a research team from Simon Fraser University in Canada, is conducting a study to learn more about the experiences of people who self-harm, and we want your help!  We are interested in how emotions, life experiences, stress and coping styles affect self-harm. We hope that this research will help other people understand more about why people self-harm and what they can do to help. 

 

What you can do: If you want to participate in this study, you will fill out online questionnaires on self-harm, emotions, coping, symptoms, and life events. These questionnaires will take approximately 2 hours to complete.  

 

Who can participate: We are looking for people who currently self-harm (whether you are trying to stop or not), AND those who have self-harmed in the past and quit.

 

What’s in it for you: Participants who complete the questionnaires will be paid $5 CAD (money transfers via PayPal). You can also choose to participate in our long-term study, where you will fill out a shorter version of the questionnaires every three months for two years. You will be paid $5 CAD each time you complete a set of questionnaires (about 30 min each), and you will get a $15 CAD bonus once you have completed all 9 sets for a total of $60 CAD. Telling us about your experiences will give us important information on how self-harm changes over time, and could help develop and improve treatments for people who want to stop self-harming.

 

Please contact us at perl@sfu.ca if you are interested in participating or if you have any questions.

 

Thank you,

 

Personality and Emotion Research Laboratory (PERL)

Simon Fraser University

Department of Psychology
RCB5246, 8888 University Drive
Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6

2 watched me bleed
cut me

Monday, June 1st, 2009
3:35 pm
[kkittykeeka]
...
Hey, I'm new here.. I've been having a rough week. I started cutting when I was 15, and I've been cutting ever since. I took up smoking and that really helped me not cut for awhile, but now I'm out of cigs and I have the urge to cut more than ever.
xXx
Jess


Current Mood: depressed

9 watched me bleed
cut me

Saturday, February 14th, 2009
10:10 pm
[missfuckedupemo]
New
Hi im new my name rachel i've anorexia and blima and i've been cutting myself since i was maybe 6&7 years old give or take. it jist seems that it lets all my fears, worries and frustrations out at once and slowly!! it jist bleed out. the crimson river jist seems so warm and peaceful to me. i no people say they hurt wen i hurt myself but the best thing is they dont. i know because they would relaize wen ur doing it and theydont see yeno. sorri for ranting on

comments welcome






1 watched me bleed
cut me

Friday, February 13th, 2009
3:48 pm
[helltrap]
Hi, I'm new. The whole reason I joined LJ was so I could connect with people out there who are also going through this.

I cut for the first time when I was 16 or 17, but I realized how much I wanted to do it more, and so I never did it, until recently.
I've been cutting myself every couple of nights. Not very deep though. But to make up for the depth, I slash at myself over and over again.

It brings me peace.  I want to die, but I don't want to jump right in. I want to flirt with it for awhile. Lose a little more blood each time.

cut me

Saturday, February 7th, 2009
9:37 pm
[lost_lenore2012]
Kewl...huh?
Hey,
They call me mel. I'm 17...I started cutting the begining of my 8th grade year....At first it was only a small slice here and there when i couldn't take things at home but eventually....well now it's the only way i can think clearly... but hey that's how it goes right?....

Current Mood: depressed

2 watched me bleed
cut me

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
11:32 pm
[diekatze1]
Oops... [ first post ]
So I guess i'm here now.

My name's Anne, and I'm 18. I started cutting as a freshman in high school, and stopped sophomore year only to return to cutting again tonight. I thought I was rid of this, but apparently not. My depression has gotten worse over the past few months, due to my current boyfriend. But I don't cut because of boys. Ever.

I haven't been diagnosed for depression, nor have I been on medication or seen a therapist. I want to see a therapist, but I do not want to be on medication, since I've seen how people react while on them.

1 watched me bleed
cut me

Monday, February 2nd, 2009
5:54 pm
[alexis_eatsyou]
CUTTERS
hey yo's. I'm ALexis, and I live in a world of lies, and I do cut myself, or did cut myself... either way, I have and I pro'lly will cut again and again. No one will see the scars unless they were ment to. IDK what else to say.... uhm, message me or whatever.
Buh byes
xXAlive_For_NowXx
-Alexis

Current Mood: curious

6 watched me bleed
cut me

Sunday, January 11th, 2009
6:22 pm
[lostinabubble]
Ok i have never got an infected cut before. What the hell do i do? I cut, and because i was in such a state i went way to deep, lost loads of blood but now it has gone infected and i can't let any1 know. Any ideas? Pleases say you guys can help me. I think i might have to go to the doctors.

3 watched me bleed
cut me

Saturday, December 20th, 2008
6:58 pm
[xbertyx]
hi im new
hi im ellie , im 14

iv been cutting for about 2 years now and cant stop. id love to get to know everyone here

add me if you wish :)

aim: elliesheppardx

msn: xbertyx_2008@hotmail.co.uk

1 watched me bleed
cut me

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
5:04 pm
[onewhocutsemo]
Intro
Hi, im new here to this group so i thought i would introduce myself 1st. I started when i was in 6th grade, idky then i was bored one day. But then my life when down hill, with what started going on at my house, in the summer going into 7th grade my parents divorced. I went on a cutting frenzy. In 7th grade so much shit started i couldnt tell who was my frnd, and alot of em cut because they think its cool i h8 that, i told em also. Then i started thinking my dad is gay idk if he is tho, but im pretty sure. Thats too much for my to handle, i cut evn more after that
Over the year things got much much worse and then came summer, i stopped for about 3 months but i then started again, i want to stop tho, i just dont kno how, my closet frnd is the only i can turn to now, she relates to me. I am now 14 and in 8th grade. Idk who to trust and who is my frnd. I hatve trust issues. I suffer from anixity, depression. I go to c a shrink, she does no good. I started hearing voices in my head 2 months ago and they havent stopped it scares me. My grandpa died almost 2 weeks ago, we were close. so i cut myself way worse then i havent stopped at all none stop. Ik i need help but its addicting.
Srry if im ranting on but this is me, so there ya go
byes


Current Mood: crushed

3 watched me bleed
cut me

Monday, July 28th, 2008
10:20 pm
[lil_girl_lost]
It makes me feel like I matter.... Even when you say I don't....

It's been awhile.

cut me

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
7:57 pm
[heliocentrism]
The physician wants me to see a therapist. But this a note to everyone I know.
Am I not allowed to be upset or sad? Did it -ever- occur to any of you that something is the matter, even if I don't quite know it? So what, if I'm not like the others, who parade their depression like some favorite outfit. I can still be in trouble. I can -hate- bleeding, don't assume I'm like you. Or they. Please don't think I am grateful for the slicing and the blood and the anger. I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm not sure if I'll ever be completely okay, even though I don't know why. How easy would it be to end this all? But no, nothing is the matter. I am too happy, too cheerful, too innocent to be sad for very long. If I don't have a reason, it doesn't matter, right? ...This is my cry for help.

cut me

Thursday, August 16th, 2007
1:59 pm
[magicalpixie4u]

1 watched me bleed
cut me

Monday, June 11th, 2007
12:09 am
[heliocentrism]
Rays of light shone down on me and all my sins were pardoned.
I think I get more upset at being lectured by internet friends because I don't have a safety net with them. When Cassie (my best friend, I'd be lost without her) is disappointed with me, I know that she's upset/sad for me because she cares about me (not because it's the way she's supposed to react), and that even if she's disappointed, she still loves me.

DavidJM (an internet friend, we're v. close) and I talked tonight for a while (45-60 minutes) about me. I was fine with the me and drugs talk because we were sort of working together then, trying to hash out my problem and fix it. But then we moved into talking about why, and my opinion is that at least DEFINITELY with cigarettes, it's just an adaptation on my self injury. And so we started talking about me and cutting, which as you well know, I still have no earthly clue why I do it. I hate talking about my cutting with people who don't... get it. Which sounds stupid and childish, but you get it. You can understand on some level why I do it, how it helps. Fatty (another internet friend, but of three years and like a brother to me) never got it. David doesn't get it. Maybe it has to do with boys' minds versus girls' minds. Whatever the reason is, conversations and lectures always tend to reach a dead end once we hit Cutting. The other person gets frustrated and then I'm left with a huge desire to cut and to cry. Neither of which, obviously, are desirable (at least not after a discussion like that).

Really: I wish I knew why I did it, I wish I could blame it on self esteem, or boredom, or whatever. But it's like picking up a book, I don't mindfully think, "Hm, I'd like to cut myself!" It just sort of happens. I don't mindfully think, "Let's read a book, shall we??" I just pick up whatever is lying around and start reading. And then it gets to the point where I'm locked into the reading and the story, and cutting is like that too. How many can I make before it hurts? And at some level, I'm fascinated. I can actually -do- that to myself! I have no compunctions about carving into my own -flesh-. Seeing my own blood dribble out of its veins does not make me squirm or grimace. How twisted is that? I can do that. It's interesting, it's sick. And I mentioned to David, sometimes I get angry at the scars, and I don't think they're lovely, and I don't think they're ever going to heal over, and those are the times I have a cigarette instead. For a long long time (and still, usually), I didn't smoke around other people. Lighting up a cig was private, a solitary self destruction, it was indecent. I don't want other people looking in on that, you know? Even now, I'll smoke after I blaze to mellow out, or I'll have a cigarette while I'm out with Anne, but I don't like to smoke with other people. Social smoking has no appeal for me.

He said he had two qualms with me, and drugs was only the first. I asked him to disclose the other issue, but he refused, saying it was for another night. After we left our private channel and went back to another, we had this dialogue.

"David, please try not to be too disappointed in me," beseeched Kat, who was suddenly very sad and trying to brush it off.
"We'll talk about me being disappointed in you later, that's a talk for another night," murmured DavidJM with an aire mixed of disdain and authority.
"I didn't need any elaboration, it was just a request," explained the girl, only wanting to hear she was still loved.
"Well, I mean, you know I love you all the same," quoth David quickly. Kat looked forlornly at her hands, poised at the keyboard, looking for something to say. It was certain that she didn't feel like he loved her at all, not right then.

And really, we talked about that. He told me that he really did care, and that I wasn't just hurting myself, but people around me. I asked if that was actually true (it's a fact I have trouble believing, unclear as to why). He said, "well yeah. Why else would I talk like this to you? You think I enjoy lecturing? And giving these kind of talks?" And frankly, yeah, I do. I feel like people find it their duty as a friend, as a brotherly (sisterly?) figure, as a straight edge person, to lecture their friends who stray the path a little. And DavidJM didn't lecture as much as some people do, but I can't stow the feeling that people like him have talks like these because they like fixing people, not because they necessarily want me fixed.



Sorry it was sort of long, let me know if I need to lj cut this.

1 watched me bleed
cut me

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
10:25 pm
[heliocentrism]
Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
This will be triggering, I think. I often take pictures of my "big" cutting-experiences. Times when my cuts have been particularly heartfelt or most apparent or most bloody. And I wanted to show them somewhere. So here.


TRIGGERINGCollapse )

I deleted a lot of them. But yeah. There.

7 watched me bleed
cut me

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