Kthanksbye (missfuckedupemo) wrote in blades_edge,

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Bad Habits.....

Okay so I haven't posted here for a while because it's been a long time since I last hurt myself with my razor I had become a custom to hitting my head off the wall and scratching myself :/ which isn't much better, but today was the first time I went into my box and began doing what I thought was gone again ;/ I don't know what to do because my mom and family think that I have gotten over that part of my life, but I haven't I been having more thoughts recently :/ and I don't know how long I can hid this for because I have not only my family but my husband-to-be aswell who I think will be the hardest to hide it from considering he see's me without clothes and stuff . God I feel like i'm rambling on but I really need to get all this off my chest before I do some serious damage physically to myself, so I am saying sorry now before I go on , I also go diagnosed with border-line personality Disorder which is basically emotional instability and I never needed a doctor to tell me that but they had me on anti-depressants there for a while but they made me feel a hell of a lot worse so now they hae put me on anti- pyhcotics* Instead to see how they work and they seem okay unless forget to take them then I can become very aggressive and angry and violent I mean I actually lash out physically at people who talk to me ! That's not right at all I don't think and everyone is starting to get very strange around me and I'm starting to feel very alone and confused which is why I think all these "Old habits" have started again and I'm scared :/ 

sorry for rambling there but I hope all you are doing well
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